if only i could text you this smell
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
