this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
