What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
