so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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