Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
