Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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