i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
