its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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