He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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