I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am naked and annoyed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
