haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
