im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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