I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
