Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
