Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
