But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
