I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
