this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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