dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pooping to opera.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
