i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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