Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
