Who wears a wallet chain?!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
