Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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