Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
