I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
