I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
