your parents love me but you hate me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
