he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
