last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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