How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
