Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
