i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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