his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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