I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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