I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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