I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
