Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
