He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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