Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
