When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
