Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
