So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
