I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
