my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
