So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
