Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
