I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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