please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
