You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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