im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is the high leading the old right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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