I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
