i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
