Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
