it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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