We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
