Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
