What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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