Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
